To George Sturgis
Hotel Bristol
Rome. Feb. 21, 1928
Dear George,
I have practically decided not to move from Rome for the present. The nervousness and distress which attacked me when I was on the point of starting a week ago, return whenever I think of fixing another date for my departure: my inner man, “The It”, as the Germans call it, has decided that I sh’an’t go to Avila again, although the first impulse of my outer man, “The I”, was to rush there at once. I think there is something prophetic and wise in this pathological No! But events will show in time if it is so.
Several telegrams and letters have passed between Celedonio and me. Your Aunt Josephine is well–she has written herself, quite rationally—and my maiden (and only) cousin, Manuela Santayana, is with her. She hasn’t said whether she means to stay in Avila. That house, without your aunt Susie, would be intolerable to me: this is one of the things that prey on my mind, and hold me back. Celedonio seems anxious that I should go: he wants to rope me in into the affairs of your Aunt’s estate, and he may be much offended when he understands, as he soon will, that I am not coming. But I am afraid he would be offended also if I went, and made any observation which was not to his liking: so that I will make the best of a quarrel if it is inevitable: but I hope to avoid it. My illness has not been a mere pretext: it is real: but it is a sign of a profound disinclination which will outlast it.
From The Letters of George Santayana: Book Four, 1928-1932. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press, 2003.
Location of manuscript: The Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge MA